The Dr. Zebra Store   Periodic Table of the Hellements

The Periodic Table of the Hellements^TM mini-poster presents, in bright cheery colors, 112 living things just waiting to cause you hell.

	We can't show you the poster in all of its 11" by 17" glory, because the image is simply too large to download. But we can show one hellement, with its symbol, number, illustration, and name.

Hellements are arranged from left to right by increasing biological complexity, and from top to bottom by increasing hellishness. So, viruses are in the leftmost column, and humans in the rightmost. Bio-weapons are in blue.

Which version to order?

The Periodic Table displays Hellements in groups -- including bacteria, parasites, insects, plants, mammals, ... and humans.

Because humans are such a rich source of Hell to other humans, we offer four versions of the Hellements chart. The charts differ only in the right-most column -- the "human" column.

Choose the version most closely matching your vision of Hell -- or get them all!

Human Hellements for
Conservatives

$8.99	$8.99	$7.99	$7.99
Human Hellements for Liberals	Human Hellements for Misanthropes	Medical Hellements for the Politically Correct
Jimmy Carter Michael Moore Nancy Pelosi Ruth Bader Ginsburg Edward Kennedy Hillary	Bill Frist Newt Gingrich Karl Rove Antonin Scalia W Dick	Spouse (yelling woman shown) Landlord Televangelist Venture capitalist Crack addict The humorless (bin Laden photo)	Presbyopia Nocturia Alveolar loss Presbycusis Cardiac and arterial thickening Brain shrinkage
Example human hellement:

Hellements Present in All Versions

Caution: If you have recently lost someone to one of the hellements, it may be best to wait before ordering.

Virus	Bio-Weapon I	Bio-Weapon II	Bacterium	Parasite
Rhinovirus Norovirus West Nile virus Rubella virus Measles virus Herpes simplex virus SARS virus Papillomavirus HIV Hepatitis B virus Yellow fever virus Rabies virus Avian influenza H5N1 virus	Botulinum toxin Ricin Ebola virus Smallpox virus Marburg virus Lassa virus Rift Valley virus Junin virus Venezuelan equine encephalitis virus Eastern equine encephalitis virus Western equine encephalitis virus Machupo virus Monkey pox virus St. Louis encephalitis virus Japanese encephalitis virus Murray Valley encephalitis virus Russian spring summer encephalitis	Anthrax bacterium Plague bacterium Tularemia bacterium Glanders bacterium Brucellosis bacterium Meliodosis bacterium Shigella bacterium Cholera bacterium Q fever agent Typhus agent Psittacosis agent Engineered anthrax Engineered plague Engineered tularemia Engineered glanders	Gonorrhea bacterium Lyme disease bacterium Pneumococcus Diphtheria bacterium Syphilis bacterium E. coli O157:H7 Meningococcus Flesh-eating Strep. pyogenes bacterium Legionnaire's bacterium Typhoid bacterium Methicillin resistant Staph. aureus Tuberculosis bacterium	Giardia parasite Tapeworm Schistosomiasis parasite Falciparum malaria
Fungus	Arthropod	Plant	Aquatic, Reptile	Mammal
Candida fungus Cryptococcus fungus Histoplasma fungus Mucormycosis fungus	Bedbug Flea Louse Scabies Housefly Wasp Tsetse fly Mosquito Centipede Tick Reduviid bug Killer bee Brown recluse spider Tarantula Black widow Scorpion	Poison ivy Deadly nightshade Hemlock Death cap Monkshood	Jellyfish Stingray Barracuda Piranha Great white shark Dart frog Gila monster Rattlesnake Cobra Crocodile	Rat Wild boar Porcupine Wolf Skunk Hyena Wolverine Lion Hippopotamus Grizzly bear